...so i touched it.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
