When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
