if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
