I hate your face
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
