did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
