When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
