I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
