I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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