i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
