you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
