im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
