oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
