I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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