Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
