absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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