The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
