Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How external is "for external use only"?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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