Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
