she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
