The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
