The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
