I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
