Swine flu. Run for my life!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
