remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
