In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
