'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
