and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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