She is in my trunk
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I showed him my bush... on skype.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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