Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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