Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
