just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
