so that wasnt chicken after all
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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