i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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