thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
