You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
