Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
