I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
