...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
