....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
