just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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