we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
