oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
