you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
