Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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