The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
