There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
