Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
