i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Are my feet made of real feet?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
