My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
