Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
