The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
