when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
