If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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