I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
