woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I AM VODKA MAN
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
