And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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